The Last Few Days

The last few days mood were sure down to the pit.

First is Mother’s birthday which happened in May Day. Kids and I went to pay respect to Mom but none of my siblings was there. Sometime is very sad to know when the passing no one seem to care about important dates. Or maybe am I that cannot release.

Next day after church service as well as after dinner we walk from Takashimaya to Wheelock Place at Mark & Spencer, sad memories of an old friend just flood in. I use to accompany him when he go and buy business shirts because he said only at Mark & Spencer they has the right length and the right sizes. This friend of mine left this world more than 5 years ago due to liver cancer. Till today, I do not know where to pay respect after I losing his sister contact.

This afternoon received a call from the access centre (my kids supervise access with their father) asking me for this week weekend access. I was also upset over two weeks ago incident that happened during the access time and also thinking about what the has told my girl, she doesn’t have to come if she doesn’t want.

As usual I still force myself to bring my kids to the access even though they had been telling me more than thousand times that they don’t want to go to the access and I also told them more than thousand times that it is the court order. And every time during the one hour of waiting I don’t have any proper place to sit, either I sit at the corridor or at the staircase and I also promise my kids I will near them.

But that uneventful Saturday, it was during the time of access that the rain was pouring and everywhere is ponding as usual I just sit at the staircase even though the rain splatters all over me.

Less than half an hour I was surprise seeing my daughter running out crying. She was going to run out of the centre but I managed to stop her in time. My son was running with her. I held on to my girl and asked her what happened. My son said that “mad man” had scolded his sister. She kept crying and saying that she does not want to see “mad man” and does not want to attend any access session anymore. I manage to get my daughter to tell me what have happened. It seems that my kids were in a room with the officer from the centre. Their father suddenly came into the room and started scolding my daughter for not wanting to attend the access sessions. He told her that he has been paying for the access sessions and that he had been giving her money and buying her stationery before when she was in Primary 1. He told her that if she did not want to attend she could leave. She was horrified by outburst and ran out the room. For the last few times when my kids are unable to turn up at the access on one hand and on the other hand I was receiving letters from their father’s lawyer.

Now I really wish for the current access arrangements to be suspended for my children’s best interest to a new assessment and review the situation before making any access arrangements. Their father has aggravated the situation with my kids and I am known that it is unhealthy to keep forcing children to interact with their father against their will. Now my children will need more time to recover from the incident.