L.O.V.E.

Q1. Where did you get those loves from?

Q2. Where those loves are comes from?

Q3. Why do my friend want to be my friend?


A1 – A3. That was questions post to me, a question that I cannot answer and also do not know how to answer. Only those that know me can answer for me.


Q4. Why are you willing to go out all your ways out for a family members or relatives or friends?


A4a. Do you believe that there are parents who think that the third child is gratuitous!

A4b. That is what I have been feeling and experiencing, ever since I was as young as a toddler I have been moving from one states to another and even to another countries. I do not remember any momentous event but a hapless victim. I feel outcast in my family through the way they treated me. I turn tail from my family, yet I was being slang, abuse in my previous marriage including my kids too being child abuse and now I am picking up the after affect pieces.

A4c. Friendship begin when I was in primary one before that there are no friends, Yet now I have many friends including those who are in overseas. During the early years when in the work force I used to call international calling to my overseas friends even the one in the States, to wish them Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas but at one point of my life due to the unforeseen circumstances I lost contact with a lot of friends. (Even if it happened about ten years or more, there is a friend of mine that I lost contact but three years ago miracles happened in my life and my friend evens though that faithful day I thought I see this friend of mine at the bus-stop yet I am not sure is that my friend due to the German accent. And by chance we happen to take the same bus, where my friend call my name.)

A4d. My mother left us due to lung cancer for three years already and father was due to heart attack and pass away thirteen years ago and buried in Penang. My mother left us just one day before my father 10th Anniversary. My kids and me, we have been paying respect to both of them especially on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Birthdays, Anniversary and Christmas. But pay respect to them are not easy for me because all my relatives and my siblings discourage me for visiting my parents.

A4e. While I am writing this, tomorrow at this time I am in the plane and on my way to attend a very special friend event . I am doing this because I told this friend before, I will support my friend in whatever my friend is doing and this friend had saved my life.

Death

Just recently a good looking, good prospect actor Park Yong-Ha too his own life, living his sickly father, mother and loved one.


It actually remind me about how fragile one life. And it ia easy to take one life. It just a split second event only, yet it took the person time and time again to take this action at the end, when he or she really thought that it is the end.

The truth is, not only the end but is the start of hurt, miserable, betrayal and sadness for the rest of the family that's still alive.

Voices of Youth (VOY) 25th Anniversary

All who know Voices of Youth (VOY) they are celebrating 25th Anniversary in Virginia, USA, there are having a live performance at 11pm (+8 hrs - Singapore, Malaysia & Hong Kong time) on www.vaumc.org

The Last Few Days

The last few days mood were sure down to the pit.

First is Mother’s birthday which happened in May Day. Kids and I went to pay respect to Mom but none of my siblings was there. Sometime is very sad to know when the passing no one seem to care about important dates. Or maybe am I that cannot release.

Next day after church service as well as after dinner we walk from Takashimaya to Wheelock Place at Mark & Spencer, sad memories of an old friend just flood in. I use to accompany him when he go and buy business shirts because he said only at Mark & Spencer they has the right length and the right sizes. This friend of mine left this world more than 5 years ago due to liver cancer. Till today, I do not know where to pay respect after I losing his sister contact.

This afternoon received a call from the access centre (my kids supervise access with their father) asking me for this week weekend access. I was also upset over two weeks ago incident that happened during the access time and also thinking about what the has told my girl, she doesn’t have to come if she doesn’t want.

As usual I still force myself to bring my kids to the access even though they had been telling me more than thousand times that they don’t want to go to the access and I also told them more than thousand times that it is the court order. And every time during the one hour of waiting I don’t have any proper place to sit, either I sit at the corridor or at the staircase and I also promise my kids I will near them.

But that uneventful Saturday, it was during the time of access that the rain was pouring and everywhere is ponding as usual I just sit at the staircase even though the rain splatters all over me.

Less than half an hour I was surprise seeing my daughter running out crying. She was going to run out of the centre but I managed to stop her in time. My son was running with her. I held on to my girl and asked her what happened. My son said that “mad man” had scolded his sister. She kept crying and saying that she does not want to see “mad man” and does not want to attend any access session anymore. I manage to get my daughter to tell me what have happened. It seems that my kids were in a room with the officer from the centre. Their father suddenly came into the room and started scolding my daughter for not wanting to attend the access sessions. He told her that he has been paying for the access sessions and that he had been giving her money and buying her stationery before when she was in Primary 1. He told her that if she did not want to attend she could leave. She was horrified by outburst and ran out the room. For the last few times when my kids are unable to turn up at the access on one hand and on the other hand I was receiving letters from their father’s lawyer.

Now I really wish for the current access arrangements to be suspended for my children’s best interest to a new assessment and review the situation before making any access arrangements. Their father has aggravated the situation with my kids and I am known that it is unhealthy to keep forcing children to interact with their father against their will. Now my children will need more time to recover from the incident.

Family Day

Now I’m at my girl’s school, today they are having Family Day cum Green Dot Green Day. This year I didn’t part take in anything that I made my girl upset but to reward her I let her spend some money in this event and create for here a coaster and she also create on for me >.^

April is Cancer Awareness Month

In loving ♥ memory of every cancer patient, family and friends who have lost their battle with cancer, and the ones who continue to conquer it! April is cancer awareness month. In loving memory of my beloved mother Susan Chia and my 3rd Uncle Pee Keng!!♥

Another Good Bye

Today is the 2nd day after my 3rd uncle sudden passing away. I am very sad losing this uncle, which mean I have totally lost 6 members of close family withing the last 12 years.

The only memories I have about this uncle was when I was very young, he was the one that protects me from my naughty big brother.

The next memories about him was when he lost contact with our family and how he comes back to us after knowing my late mother had the cancer.

Somewhere last year I remember that day, my 1st uncle called me and tell me that my 3rd uncle was sent to the hospital, the next minute I ask my boss for early lunch. I rush to the hospital to see him. The moment I saw him, he realised that is I even though I was on the facial mask. That trip we realised that my uncle conditions are not good at all. I manage to see the doctor, that review my uncle conditions and I ask her questions and also check ways to detect it.

The last memories was, when he was hospitalise last year in the month of December. It was on the 29th December 2009 after my trips, my 1st uncle again called me and this time he said 3rd uncle conditions are not good, again this time I’m on mask and the moment I saw him, he realised that is I even though I was on the facial mask. I was so sad that I tears.

God's Miracles

Last week I was down after I realise I lost $600. I don’t remember where I drop, my kids also feel down. The end of the day I just leave my feeling to God. The next day, God's perform His miracles as I was purchasing some food the seller ask me if she can have a smaller notes when I suddenly give her a note of $500. I was surprise and share the event to my kids. We all praise God together.

Good Friday & Holy Communion

This year the events I encounter during the two days of holy week isn’t pleasant.

On Good Friday, while at this particular english speaking church. I was being ask to get out of the church because of my kid was asking question.

By God's grace the person that encounter this dreadful event are my kids and myself, this event make my kids very unhappy about the people.

What about a new born christian or even a non-christian? What will happen to them? Are we losing them?

And today is Easter Sunday, we attend another particular church and something make me questioning about their communion.

The communion that I personally know is anyone that confess their sins and accept Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour can take the communion. This is even easier for those that already baptised.

Yet today during the communion when my kids and myself was up at the communion area the pastor ask my kids to be blessed only when we said we are taking the communion as she claim that’s the way they practise.

Let’s base on the bible, saying about going to God’s present. I think non of us or even the pastors have the right to stop any children to receive God’s communion.

Jesus said

And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3

But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." Mark 10:15 & Luke 18:17

Word of Paul

1 Corinthians 14:20 Brethren, do not be children in your thinking; yet in evil be infants, but in your thinking be mature.

Word of Apostle Peter

1 Peter 2:2 like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation,

I guess I already say my view here.

Something about me at this point in time.......

Being a single mother as well as working full-time to two young children for the last four years it was and it is still not easy.

How I ended my marriage of 10 years with my ex-husband was due to physical and verbal abusive to my kids and myself. This divorce is making me pessimistic. It’s been four years struggle in court for the legal matter for the matrimonial house and children custody as well as access. Since three years ago my ex-husband also wants to fight for full-custody of my two young kids. Till now I’m asking myself, am I doing it right or wrong for leaving the marriage?

Last weekend while I was still dilemma with the right and wrong issue someone said that my ex-husband been giving me hard time while in marriage and now in divorce he also want to give me hard time. I was being advice too to be careful in my communication and also the posting I post online as well as my life to keep it in private until the divorce officially end worried that at this time he might bring mischief in the maintenance.

It’s has been years of ups and downs for me and my kids, but through it all, God remains faithful and I'm looking forward by God’s grace - God have and will triumph and may you and your loved ones always be triumphant in the Lord!

Eve of Lunar New Year

Today is the last day of the year in Chinese calender 岁次 2009 乙丑 4706 (Ji-Chou - Year of the Ox)is 13 February. Late in the late morning my kids and myself going to have our first reunion meal with my 2nd aunt and her family. In the evening we will have reunion dinne we are having steamboat.